OMG I’m turning sixty five

I am not upset about turning sixty five. I am upset about all of the nonsense I am going through in order to sign up for Social Security and Medicare.

  • I do not have hoarding tendencies. I am, however, currently fighting my way through all of the PART B, PART D, PART Q (or whatever) mail I am receiving. PICK ME…NO, PICK ME…NO, PICK ME. For some reason I am also receiving endless notices from that outfit that grants fantastic loans to military veterans. The only uniform I have worn in my entire life was when I was in the Brownies.
  • A lady from Social Security has been hounding me. Emails, text messages, phone calls. OMG. When I finally called her, she was more confused than I was. Something about . . . because I was born on February 1st, Medicare will start on January 1st. I said, “Okay.” I don’t understand this logic. However, okay. Then she started blathering about my State of Michigan retirement and how she has nothing to do with my State of Michigan retirement so she cannot advise me on what to do with my State of Michigan retirement. I asked, “If you cannot advise me on my State of Michigan retirement, how is that you EVEN KNOW ABOUT MY STATE OF MICHIGAN RETIREMENT? Something about how the State of Michigan may pay for my part B Medicare; however, because she doesn’t know about my State of Michigan retirement, she can’t tell me whether they will pay for my part B…or not. Sheesh.
  • She then started giving me a bunch of options that made absolutely no sense. My birthday is February 1st, so Medicare starts in January (okay…I already told her this made no sense to me but I had already said okay). Well, then she starts harping about how I won’t get February Social Security benefits until March. WHAT DOES MARCH HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

Evidently because it was inconsiderate of me to have beenĀ born on the first of the month, benefits go all wacky one month before and/or after. I told her that none of this was my fault. When I was born, I was young and inexperienced. It is hardly fair to hold me responsible for her confusion.

I’ve decided it may just be easier to die at sixty four. It is a federal conspiracy to cheat me out of my benefits.DSC00681.

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